• Etiange D.

Trust Issues Suck.

For both the person who is trusting and the trustee.

It’s interesting, learning about all the ways in which our actions create a ripple effect and can seriously send triggers blazing like fireworks. How one person’s point-of-view can drastically be different from another person’s. How a person’s experiences have such a deep affect on their scope.

I am always hearing how trust should be earned. I read an excerpt in the Tao Te Ching yesterday that wrote, “…trust is the beginning of chaos.” I had always considered trust to be a basic requirement at the start of any relationship. Because I trust myself and strive to be honest and candid with every encounter, I hold others to the same regard. I tend to believe people are showing me who they fully are in the beginning.

Over time, I’ve learned that actually, people will show you a mask. Whether that is because they don’t trust you, don’t know you (well enough to their standard), want something from you, or are holding you distant before they are more sure of whom you truly are, is up to them.

This is something that I’m still navigating.

TRUST (n): Firm belief in the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing; confidence or reliance; The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one; One in which confidence is placed.

CHAOS (n): A condition or place of great disorder or confusion; A disorderly mass; a jumble.

To fully place your trust in someone, is to fully have confidence in their unknown cycles, based on what you DO know.

That’s a BIG ask. Especially from someone who has been through a specific situation repeatedly, and maybe thinks you are a repeat of the past. It’s bound to bring up old stuff and old pain. And while that’s understandable for the person who is in pain, for the person who is on the receiving end, it can feel like being made out to be someone or something you are not. This causes even more pain.

Noticing that trust takes consistent and persistent action to demonstrate reliability makes sense to me now. Trust should not be easily given… yes. But if you don’t have a certain level of trust at the start, how do we let anyone in? When it comes to truly sharing a life with someone, inner and outer life, if we don’t extend a certain level of trust, how can we expect to create an authentic bond?

The chaos that unfolds after placing your trust in another is where either your trust builds, or suffers. To me, I believe that everyone deserves a chance to be trusted up until one’s own discernment as well as what is actually KNOWN and FACT about the person proves otherwise. After being deceived in my own life, I know I am able to trust myself to navigate and flow with the chaos that unfolds. Chaos is nothing new to me, and it’s not always negative. It’s uncontrollable. If you are able to let go of control easily, then having a bit of chaos come your way, with a little bit of faith, patience, and understanding, can be like steadily climbing a mountain. If you are someone who likes to be in control, chaos can seem like daunting and overwhelming pain in the ass.

Life, in general, is extremely chaotic. There are moments of stillness, and moments of movement. Moments where you do know, and moments where you really fucking don’t.

If there’s anything to put your full, unwavering trust in, put it in God (if you believe in God). God is chaotic too, but at least it is absolute.

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