• Etiange D.

Unconditional Love: Why Most People Can't Handle the Weight of It

Updated: Nov 9, 2021

The glorification of unconditional love is actually quite laughable.

Having a big heart is not for the weak, and quite frankly not everyone has the capacity to love on such a grandiose scale. How many of you can say you truly, unconditionally, love someone? Whether that be a family member, a friend, a lover, a pet?

Can you continue to love someone when they stop loving you? Can you love them even if they bite your hand, over and over again? Can you put aside differences and accept what you cannot change? Can you love someone even when they are not the being the best they can be towards you?

Not all of us can be Jesus. I sure as hell will have a hard time accepting the fact that someone just let me hang on a cross with nails in my hand and left me there to suffer for their benefit. That shit is wack. I'll understand, but I won't just sit there and take it anymore... I don't care who you are. I'm kind, not nice. Understanding, not a pushover.

Not many of us can handle unrequited love. And to the ones who continue to do so, I wonder if that's because you are searching for something outside of yourself versus recognizing the love you have within yourself and honoring that so much that you are cognizant of everything that either nourishes or depletes that.

To me, unconditional love doesn't mean sit there and take the pain just because you understand/want to hold space/be the bigger person/see the big picture. That's very misleading. To me, unconditional love is the truth. The truth of the entire situation/being, and how you let it affect you. I can love you very much, yet because of the combination of my truth and yours, the circumstances asks for distance. That is okay. I can understand that on this massive journey called life, there will be chapters where we resonate, and where we don't, and that is okay. There are patterns that we are working through, that require pain, and sorrow, the same way they also require happiness, and joy. Union and disunion. Harmony and disharmony. We don't stay on the same page in a book forever, or else we never get to the end of the book and receive the totality of the message we need to receive.

Unconditional love is something that we all are capable of embodying. It's requirement is a high level of emotional intelligence, willingness, openness, empathy, honesty, patience, discernment, balance, giving, receiving, understanding, and acceptance. In a world where we have been taught to prioritize selfish gain and perspective, loving unconditionally seems like a load of horse shit.

However, I feel that, as the story says, Jesus had a point. People come into our lives either to trigger the densities keeping us from loving unconditionally, to meet us where we are on our path towards love, to guide us, or to bring us further away from it. Love and Fear are different sides of the same spectrum. There's no right or wrong, there's only energy and how it manifests in our lives. Loving ourselves truly is equal to loving another, because the depth of all of those requirements you extend to yourself is the same amount of depth you can afford to extend to someone else.

If you haven't come to terms with the ways in which you don't accept your own flaws and shortcomings, you will not be able to extend that to someone else. If you yourself don't allow yourself to be happy, you cannot extend that to someone else. Unconditional love is about honoring the light and dark in all. Seeing it, accepting it, and then being responsible for how we interact with it.

For some reason, in this lifetime, I have been given such a daunting, heavy yet beautiful task of breaking open my heart, over and over again. Every time I want to take a break, to scream, to lash out, God reminds me that whatever I choose to do to respond to that, is the energy I am willing to manifest. The Universe reminds me that the love I am willing to show myself and others, is all that I am willing to receive. When someone bites my hand, I refuse to bite theirs. That's not who I am. However, I know to keep my distance and discern when it is safe to try again, because the love will always, ALWAYS be there. I accept where you are now and know that in time and space, there will be a place for us to meet on the same side of the spectrum.

Love always, Etiange.

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